


Once again, alone.

by meshinui



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Character Death, Dissociation, Fluff, Hugging, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, and ruffles his hair, i dont know how to write anything im sorry zzz, i impulse wrote this in like and hour and a half, matsuda carries komaeda in his back, spoiler alert: its sad. im sad, this is short but i think its pretty nice for my first fic in here!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 14:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14935859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meshinui/pseuds/meshinui
Summary: Komaeda is exhausting, people always said to him. How do you put up with him, people always asked him.He never answered because it was unnecessary. Why did they care anyway?





	Once again, alone.

**Author's Note:**

> hhhhhhhhjhjh i dont know how to write sorry  
> english isnt my first language so im sorry if anything seems off! im still practicing my writing and im trying to amply my vocabulary but still, i hope you like this! 
> 
> this is specifically dedicated to all the matsuda fuckers in twitter, i love yall......  
> we need more matsukoma content im a thirsty little flower

_Komaeda is exhausting_ , people always said to him. _How do you put up with him?_ , people always asked him.

 

He never answered because it was unnecessary. Why did they care anyway?

 

Yet still, they were wrong. Komaeda was... _He was_...

 

/////

 

“Matsuda-kun~!” He heard a soft voice call his name, knocking on his office door gently.

 

“Come in.” Without looking up from his manga, he said in a rather monotonous voice.

 

The door opened, revealing a boy with an extremely fluffy hair and a sweet smile.

 

That was Komaeda Nagito, one of his patients.

 

“Matsuda-kun! Good morning!” Komaeda greeted him brightly.

 

“...It’s already 3 PM, I doubt you can call that ‘morning’.”

 

Komaeda stayed silent for a while.

 

“Oh... Um, I guess I lost track of time, haha! That... That happens, often, I think...” His smile got a little embarrassed.

 

It wasn’t really a good look on him, Matsuda definitely liked him better whenever he had that shining smile on his face.

 

“Well, don’t worry about it. Did you need anything?” He got up from his chair, putting his manga on his table and stretching his arms.

 

“Hmm~ Not really! I just wanted to ask you if we could hang out.” Komaeda was fidgeting with his fingers now. “Ah, not that you have to spend time with someone like me, of course...”

 

Rolling his eyes, he smirked at him and ruffled his fluffy white hair.

 

“Sure. You haven’t eaten lunch yet, right?”

 

Komaeda’s eyes widened.

 

“Ahh?! How did you guess?!”

 

He got three light taps in his forehead. “Because I know how you are, silly. You have to eat more, understand?”

 

Komaeda may have blushed a little because of it.

 

“Y-yeah... If Matsuda-kun says so...”

 

////

 

“So, what do you want to eat?” Matsuda asked, looking at all the things in the menu.

 

“Hm... A glass of water would be nice!”

 

“ _Actual_ food.”

 

Komaeda pouted.

 

“Fine~ What about...” He took a quick look at the menu in Matsuda’s hands. “A sandwich! Is that good?”

 

“Yeah, sure. I’ll eat one too.”

 

“Yay! This is fun!” The white-haired boy clapped his hands two times enthusiastically.

 

“...Right.”

 

They chatted about trivial things, like how they were doing regarding their grades, and what things they could do after they finished eating lunch. When their sandwiches got to their table, Komaeda ate it happily. Matsuda could only think about how thin he was. It definitely wasn’t healthy.

 

Once they finished eating their sandwiches, they started to walk back to the school buildings.

 

“Matsuda-kun...” Komaeda started after walking for 7 minutes.

 

“What.”

 

“I’m getting tired... Can you carry me?” He had a smug little smile on his face.

 

He knew that Matsuda couldn’t say no to him.

 

“God, you’re too fucking tall though.”

 

“Matsuda-kun is tall too! And besides... I’m not that heavy, right?”

 

Matsuda could’ve continued arguing, but really, who was he to say no to that guy? Especially someone that got tired that easily... And that was sickly as well...

 

“...Alright, fuck it, but you owe me a new volume from the manga I was talking about earlier.”

 

“Hehe, that’s fine!”

 

And then, Matsuda carried him back to the school building in his back.

 

“Matsuda-kun... Being like this with you... I can’t help but feel happy.”

 

“Huh. Well, if something as dumb as this can make you happy, then... I will do it more often, I guess.”

 

“...you’re too kind.”

 

////

 

Taking care of Komaeda really could be tiring sometimes.

 

But at the same time...

 

He just wanted to make Komaeda feel alright. Make him at least a little bit happy.

 

He deserved it.

 

So when he showed up at his dorm, shaking and looking at the ground with spiraling eyes...

 

“Hey, c’mere- What happened? Are you alright?” He’d say, worry clear in his own eyes.

 

“I... I... I... I can’t... Ma-Matsuda-kun...” His voice, trembling just like him.

 

He couldn’t even form a single sentence.

 

So he let him come inside of his dorm and saw him collapsing into his bed.

 

He didn’t pass out, at least. He was just clinging to it, and he seemed like he was about to cry.

 

But he didn’t. No matter what, he’d never seen Komaeda cry. And he doubted he would anytime soon, and he didn’t want to.

 

He tried to keep asking him questions like, "What happened?" or "How can I help you?" or even just an "Are you alright?".

 

He realized that asking questions was meaningless, Komaeda probably wasn’t in the right state of mind to answer them coherently.

 

So he sat down next to him and softly grabbed his hand, making small circle patterns and whispering words so he could calm down.

 

He had never been as gentle with someone like how he was with Komaeda. He didn’t know why.

 

And it was scary, too.

 

But at that moment, he only wanted him to be alright.

 

At some point, Komaeda went completely silent.

 

He just stared at the walls, he was dissociating.

 

“Ma...Matsuda...Matsuda-kun...” He muttered. “Please... Can you- Can you... Can... Hug...?”

 

He didn’t need to be told twice.

 

Softly, he lay down next to Komaeda, in his bed. Embraced him, being as delicate as he could, as if Komaeda was so fragile that if he did anything too strongly he would shatter.

 

He could smell the white-haired boy’s scent even more intensely.

 

Was it vanilla perfume? He didn’t know.

 

“I’m... I’m sorry... Matsuda-kun... Enoshi...Oto...nashi-san? Mother... Father... I’m so... sorry... Hi... Hina... Hina... huh...? Who... Hina...” All he was saying was gibberish, yet it was enough to make his chest feel tighter.

 

Why was he sorry? There were a lot of questions in his mind.

 

And why did he mention...?

 

“It’s alright, Komaeda. I’m here, okay? I’m here...” Matsuda wasn’t even sure about what to say, or what exactly was happening.

 

“Matsuda-kun... Is... He is here... So...” Komaeda never stopped shaking. “Ah... I don’t- I don’t _like_ this, Matsuda-kun... I don’t...”

 

“I know you don’t, just... Komaeda... I’ll make it better.” What was he saying, anyway?

 

Making it better...

 

“I... trust you, Matsuda-kun...” He sounded so sleepy, he was slurring his words to the point where it was hard to tell what exactly he was saying.

 

“Komaeda...”

 

They were now facing each other.

 

He was... so close...

 

“Matsuda-kun... Matsuda-kun, Matsuda-kun, Matsuda-kun...” Matsuda could feel Komaeda’s words in his lips, his whisperings, as if he was telling him a secret. “Matsuda-kun, I don’t... want to forget...”

 

Forget what?

 

“Matsuda-kun... If I forget... Promise me... Promise me that you’ll make me remember...”

 

“I promise.”

 

Komaeda smiled softly.

 

And then he fell asleep.

 

And Matsuda felt so, so tempted to kiss him- but he couldn’t.

 

He couldn’t.

 

////

 

Being with Komaeda was being unstable.

 

He never knew when things were going to turn bad; they could have lunch in the day and making jokes and smiling- and in the night Komaeda could have a breakdown and make him promise him things that he didn’t understand quite well. The next day they’d act like nothing happened, aside from the regular checking and making sure that he was doing alright.

 

And that was just the way it was.

 

A constant reminder that he shouldn’t let his guard down, so he could protect Komaeda. So he could make sure that nothing bad would happen to him.

 

Did he want to change it?

 

He didn’t know.

 

Should he have?

 

...While he still could?

 

“Ah... It doesn’t matter, r-right?” He grabbed his stomach, feeling weaker every second that passed.

 

Then he looked at his hand.

 

It was red. Or was it more like pink...? He didn’t know.

 

It was blood.

 

She...

 

His legs stopped working. He was on the floor.

 

Soon he’d be...

 

“Matsuda-kun?!”

 

“K-Komaeda, stay away...” He muttered, his voice thin.

 

Yet Komaeda didn’t listen.

 

He rushed over to him and put Matsuda’s head in his lap.

 

“M-Matsuda-kun, don’t worry, I’ll- I’ll take care of this, I’ll fix you, I’ll... I’ll...”

 

He was already getting his nice hands dirty with Matsuda’s blood.

 

“It’s okay, Komaeda. I promise.” He smiled weakly.

 

“No! No, it’s not okay, it’s-!”

 

Matsuda felt something wet on his face.

 

Huh? How?

 

His face got wetter.

 

Komaeda was...

 

“I don’t want Matsuda-kun to die! I don’t want to, I don’t want him to-! Hinata-kun already disappeared, I can’t-! I can’t just...!” He started sobbing uncontrollably, tears falling nonstop from his face.

 

“Komaeda, don’t... agh, don’t cry...” He was feeling weaker and weaker. “Please... Never forget...”

 

It was so silent, that even though he was whispering, his voice seemed to echo.

 

“From the bottom of my heart I...”

 

“M-Matsuda-kun, wait, no-!”

 

“I...”

 

Komaeda is exhausting, people always said to him. How do you put up with him, people always asked him.

 

He never answered because it was unnecessary. Why did they care anyway?

 

Yet still, they were wrong. Komaeda was... He was...

 

_“From the bottom of my heart, I am... deeply in love with you...”_

 

“M-Matsuda-kun, no!”

 

Komaeda slapped his face several times.

 

“Wake up! You have to wake up!” He felt his throat numb, the tears couldn’t stop falling. “Please, **wake up**!”

 

It hurt. It hurt so much.

 

“Matsuda-kun! I... I love you too! That’s why- That’s why you have to wake up!” He was screaming at this point, he didn’t care. “Please, this isn’t a funny joke! Open your eyes! M-Matsuda-kun, we were going to be happy together, remember?! Then why... Why...?!”

 

He was alone.

 

Once again, alone.

 

**Author's Note:**

> YEAH THAT WAS IT IM SORRY! 
> 
> btw follow me on twitter if you wanna tell me how bad this fic was and yell at me for killing Him its @lvlchi i only post about komaeda and shit
> 
> .....also if you wonder what happens after this the simple answer is... despair ? i dont fuckign know


End file.
